Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
