My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize