She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
