'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is the high leading the old right now
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
