So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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