In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
