I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
