I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
