The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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