Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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