You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
