we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
