He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
