So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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