she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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