Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
