Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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