Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize