So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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