Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
