Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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