Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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