my sisters under your porch take her home
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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