I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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