And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
