I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
