it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
