He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
