I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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