we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
