you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
