He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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