Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
