Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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