I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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