So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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