Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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