So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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