he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
