Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Did I show you my penis last night?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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