I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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