Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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