if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
