let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
