Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
