mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
