Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
