dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just pee around me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
