If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
