I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
