There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
