Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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