cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you never un-have a 4some
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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