I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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