I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
