idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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