Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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