He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
