Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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