i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
