Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
