remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
