I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
