Sry I called you an 8
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
