My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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