No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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