his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
