Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
