did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize