I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
