There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i dont even know how to be here
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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