Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
