Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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