His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
