For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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