I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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