The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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