Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
