The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
