are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
