I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
