Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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