i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
