do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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